Here it is beginning to end, I consider this to be my magnus opus.... so far anyway. I hope you enjoy it
Entry 1: Brief and permanent.
No,
I was just outside
just outside
What could I have missed?
dear love
Please wake up
just wake up
This isn't really happening
This isn't really happening
willpower gone
leaning against a wall, her head in my lap
tears fail me
stumble to the bridge
I fall and feel no pain
head spinning
I wake up in my room
I don't remember walking here
gone forever ever isn't she?
Yes.
Entry 2: The blurring of time.
I remember now
setting a course for home
staring out the windows
watching the stars go by
Hours beget days
days beget weeks.
I feel not the passage of time
obscured by the pain.
alarms stir me from my trance
how long were they sounding?
Entry 3: Space's crueltyUndeserving,
say something, save me from myself
how will I ever make it home in a dead ship?
still numb
this wavering spirit
cannot bear another uphill battle
I must leave this grave
how can I bear to abandon her in space?
a part of me died when I left her
no resurrection for me
This black abyss is cruel.
Entry 4: TimelessnessThere is no time here
hours pass without notice
I beg her forgiveness
I can no longer tell
if I am awake
or sleeping
draining fuel cells
all power to life support
let me drift
all
the
way
back
home
Entry 5: Adrifter
is this my calling
so far from home
These stars are my only companions
and they all look the same
If ever I get home
will it truly be home?
all I hear,
is the sound of you singing in my mind
blink once you're here
blink twice you're gone
is my heart still beating?
Is my blood still moving?
am I still breathing?
hopeless
I can't seem to stop listening to your singing in my mind
Entry 6: Remembrances, Contemplations, Suffocation.
I gaze out at the starlight
To think I would die surrounded by stars
To feel you near me again
I would give all the oxygen I have left
this life is draining
draining out
drowning in midair
I heard tell once
the Hand of the Mighty
saved a man from the depths of the sea
Will the god who saved him save me?
sleep overtakes me
I can no longer breath
Entry 7: Homecoming
Day 1: Rescue.from the edge of death
pulled back
I live again, for nothing
I would have died
I could have been by her side
Oh holy God
you should have let me die
Day 2:Unrequited Heronever have I felt lonelier in a crowd
the crushing silence, of the white noise around me
Staring at someone in the mirror
I don't recognize the man
I died among the stars
smile and shake hands
accept the praise
grin at cameras
empty gestures, feeling nothing
gone so long from home
I do not recognize those I used to know
Staring at the mirror
lost in it's reflection
Who am I anymore?
Day 3: Suicide and Change.I can barely stand the overwhelming
silence of this empty house
louder than any noise
how I wish,
that it was me instead of her.
she was perfect
I am a wretch of a man
do I buy the gun
and pull the trigger?
do I buy the rope
and tie it around my neck?
do I buy the knife
and run it through my heart?
do I end it all?
is there hope?
do I end it all?
G-d, if you're listening make up my mind,
Gun in hand
tremble
do I pull the trigger?
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