Adrifter II: Starfarer

Here it is beginning to end, I consider this to be my magnus opus.... so far anyway. I hope you enjoy it

Entry 1: Brief and permanent.
No,
I was just outside
just outside
What could I have missed?
dear love
Please wake up
just wake up
This isn't really happening
This isn't really happening

willpower gone
leaning against a wall, her head in my lap
tears fail me

stumble to the bridge
I fall and feel no pain
head spinning

I wake up in my room
I don't remember walking here

gone forever ever isn't she?

Yes.

Entry 2: The blurring of time.
I remember now
setting a course for home

staring out the windows
watching the stars go by
Hours beget days
days beget weeks.

I feel not the passage of time
obscured by the pain.

alarms stir me from my trance
how long were they sounding?

Entry 3: Space's crueltyUndeserving,
say something, save me from myself
how will I ever make it home in a dead ship?

still numb
this wavering spirit
cannot bear another uphill battle
I must leave this grave
how can I bear to abandon her in space?

a part of me died when I left her
no resurrection for me
This black abyss is cruel.

Entry 4: TimelessnessThere is no time here
hours pass without notice
I beg her forgiveness
I can no longer tell
if I am awake
or sleeping
draining fuel cells
all power to life support
let me drift
all
the
way
back
home

Entry 5: Adrifter
is this my calling
so far from home


These stars are my only companions
and they all look the same

If ever I get home
will it truly be home?

all I hear,
is the sound of you singing in my mind

blink once you're here
blink twice you're gone

is my heart still beating?
Is my blood still moving?
am I still breathing?

hopeless

I can't seem to stop listening to your singing in my mind

Entry 6: Remembrances, Contemplations, Suffocation.
I gaze out at the starlight
To think I would die surrounded by stars
To feel you near me again
I would give all the oxygen I have left
this life is draining
draining out
drowning in midair

I heard tell once
the Hand of the Mighty
saved a man from the depths of the sea
Will the god who saved him save me?

sleep overtakes me
I can no longer breath

Entry 7: Homecoming
Day 1: Rescue.from the edge of death
pulled back
I live again, for nothing
I would have died
I could have been by her side

Oh holy God
you should have let me die

Day 2:Unrequited Heronever have I felt lonelier in a crowd
the crushing silence, of the white noise around me
Staring at someone in the mirror
I don't recognize the man
I died among the stars

smile and shake hands
accept the praise
grin at cameras

empty gestures, feeling nothing

gone so long from home
I do not recognize those I used to know

Staring at the mirror
lost in it's reflection
Who am I anymore?

Day 3: Suicide and Change.I can barely stand the overwhelming
silence of this empty house

louder than any noise

how I wish,
that it was me instead of her.

she was perfect
I am a wretch of a man

do I buy the gun
and pull the trigger?

do I buy the rope
and tie it around my neck?

do I buy the knife
and run it through my heart?

do I end it all?
is there hope?
do I end it all?

G-d, if you're listening make up my mind,

Gun in hand
tremble

do I pull the trigger?

Entry 5: Adrifter

Entry 5: Adrifter
adrifter
is this my calling
so far out from home
I wish i was inside that ship

These stars are my only companions
and they all look the same

If ever I get home
will it truly be home?
without you there

and all I hear,
is the sound of you singing in my mind

blink once you're here
blink twice you're gone

My mind starts quaver

is my heart still beating?
Is my blood still moving?
Is my pulse still marching?

Its hard not to be hopeless
when there is nothing to look forward to

I can't seem to stop listening to your singing in my mind

adrifter entries 3 & 4

Entry 3: Space's cruelty
What did I do to deserve this?
Please, give me a sign
give me some sort of idea
how will I ever make it home With a dead ship?
Forget this forget you
still numb
my wavering spirit
could not bear another uphill battle
so I must leave this grave
how can I bear to abandon her in space?
a part of my heart died when I left
I will never get it back.
This black abyss is cruel.

Entry 4: Timelessness
There is no time here
no day or night
hours pass without notice
while I beg forgiveness for leaving her behind
I can no longer tell
if I am awake
or sleeping
draining fuel cells
all power to life support
let me drift
all
the
way
back
home

like the sky before rain
can no longer hold the water
So is my love for you

more stuff from Adrifter II

Entry 1: Brief and permanent.
No, no, no
I was just outside
just outside
What could I have missed?
What could I have missed?
My love
dear love
Please wake up
just wake up
This isn't really happening
This isn't really happening

My willpower gone
leaning against a wall, her head in my lap
I can't even cry.

I stumble to the bridge
Though I fall, I feel no pain
my head is spinning

I wake up in my room
I don't remember walking here

She's gone forever ever isn't she?
Yes

Entry 2: The blurring of time.
I remember now
fixing the systems
and setting a course for home

staring out the windows
watching as the stars go by
Hours beget days
days beget weeks.

I feel not the passage of time
it is obscured by the pain.

the alarms stir me from my trance
how long were they sounding?

Adrifter I: Jonah

1-Running, Not Running to,  Running Away.

Wanted for some greater purpose
that feels thrust upon me
I do not want this, I do not want you
Leave me alone

I do not want to run to you
I will live my own life
On my own
I awake from a dream
"Throw him overboard, Throw him overboard!"

I run to the shore
Leaving all I know behind
I will find a new life
Somewhere beyond the shore, 
somewhere 
in the sea

2-Sitting by the Sea ( How Many Miles?)
How many heartaches till I find her?
 
some sick joke played by the fates.
there's a greater purpose here.
or at least I need to think so.

we'll converse about what could be someday
but sometimes.... sometimes...
sometimes, I wonder though.

How many miles from one heart to another?
How many feet from soul to soul?
the distance is just too far

stare at the ocean
wait as the tide covers me
wondering about what could be
dragged out to sea
I just hope one day
I'll wash ashore, somewhere
somewhere closer to you.

3-This Silent Ocean, This Brilliant Sunlight
Drowning in this sea
Invisible hand shoving my head under water
every time I try to catch a breath,
legs kicking
attempting to tread water
treading water, this cold water
lungs fill with water, begin to drown.
I cant see your face
I cant even see my limbs for the darkness of the ocean
content now with where I am.
I sleep, knowing that soon,
I will see the face of my maker
I will rejoice,
I was cold, but now am warm
Was drowning, but now have breath

In this sunlight, this brilliant sunlight.

*(interlude) Not Now 
your time to join me is not now

*the Adrifter coughs and gasps for air*

4-Adrifter
These waves, my only companion
for days

choking on my own tongue
salt water is all i have to drink
sun scorching my skin
this driftwood i cling to
is all that is keeping me afloat

I once thought my journey done
G-d had something for me yet

nothing but waves
for miles around me
clinging to hope of land 
these waters are large
and I am quite small.
tossed about in this ocean
the clouds darken
My companions take on an evil tone


5-The Storm, One for the Ages.
Dear G-d this storm is raging
keep me safe
I wasn't rescued from the depths 
only to die in this maelstrom

I have no idea how to save myself from this

knocked back and forth
back and forth
flying, then drowning
where is the eye of this storm?

Sweet reprieve, now gone
I cling only to You.

6-Purpose, Planning. Brought from The Sea, Into New Life.
to the city you must go
Run! Run Quickly !
I now have purpose, 
planning to be done, but there is purpose.
Sprinting for the city.
unstoppable
For I was thrown into the sea by my own doing
but now I was brought from from the deep
by The Hand Of G-d
Though there be boulders before me
I shall not fear.
If this what real life feels like
I want more.

Jonah is finished!

Purpose, Planning. Dragged from The Sea, Into New Life.
not yet my child
though you are yet finished in this vast sea
your time to join me is not now
(sounds of the Adrifter coughing and gasping for air)

The Storm, One for the Ages.
Dear G-d this storm is raging
I know I must weather it
but keep me safe
To be rescued from the depths only to die in this maelstrom
is not your plan
I have no idea how to save myself from this
but only though you
I am knocked back and forth
back and forth
One moment I am flying, the other drowning
where is the eye of this storm?
only for a moment my son
but now
I am sorry, but back into the hurricane you must go
Sweet reprieve, now gone
I cling only to myself and to You.

Purpose, Planning. Brought from The Sea, Into New Life.
wake up, wake my son, sweet Adrifter
you have reached land
now to the city you must go
Run! Run Quickly !
I will give you the strength you need.
I now have purpose, There is planning to be done, but I have purpose.
Sprinting for the city.
I now know what I must do.
I will be unstoppable
For I was thrown into the sea by my own doing
but now I was brought from from the deep
and through the storm
by The Hand Of G-d
Though there be rocks before me
I shall not fear.
If this what real life feels like
I want more.

Adrifter II

This is the first poem i have done for this story line

Data Log 6: Remembrances, Contemplations and Suffocation.
I gaze out at the starlight
To think I would die surrounded by stars.....
To feel you near me again
I would give all the oxygen I have left
I feel this life is draining
draining out
I feel like I'm drowning in midair

I heard tell once
That the Hand of the Mighty
saved a man from the depths of the sea
Will the G-d who saved him save me?

The sleep over takes me
I can no longer breath

New project.

So, you may have noticed in my the word adrifter pop up here and there on facebook in a few lyrics etc. I have decided to make adrifter into the Adrifter, and he will a character representing hopelessness and redemption, though not the same person every time. Think of it as a title. (The Adrifter is the main character in the Jonah EP ) Along with this decision came with a new story and a new person given the title of Adrifter.

A man is on an exploration mission to the moons of Mars. While outside the ship doing routine maintenance a malfunction with the life support kills the rest of the crew, including the Adrifter's wife, instantly and destroys his ability to radio home. Unable to realistically and emotionally handle carrying out the mission, he sets off towards Earth. The power in the ship depletes extremely prematurely as so much was taken up repairing life support, so the man boards and escape pod. After one week, to ensure maximum survival time so as to hopefully be found, he diverts all power to life support and the SOS beacon, so he is left essentially to drift back to Earth. During his time drifting he contemplates his life thus far and his probable imminent death. He also remembers his wife and the crew, and their premature deaths. His oxygen slowly depletes and he slips into unconsciousness accepting death. Very soon afterwards he is picked up by a transport ship and is returned to Earth, though awarded medals for his bravery, he wrestles with suicide and does not know whether it is better to live or die at this point. How it ends is left open.

Why open? I want people to decide for themselves, given the circumstances, which is better: life or death?

So I will devoting time to finishing up the Jonah project and this new project tentatively titled "Adrfiter II: The StarFarer"

A few songs I've written recently

Blood/Absolved
This blood on my hands
I've killed so many men
I shot them down
to watch as their life faded

As I lie here on my deathbed
I wonder if the Angel of Death finds any pleasure in the event
I feel the life slipping from my body
Dear Redeemer,
Will you accept me now?
Or have I waited too long?
I spent too much time stealing life,
to ever realize mine was fading
Fading
Fading out

I see a figure
He stands beside me
Though too weak,
I try to reach for his arm
Instead he picks me up
and carries me.
He bids me not to worry
He can't see the blood
and I can't feel the weight of their souls upon mine any longer


Wake Apnea
Wake up
You are drowning in your spit
you spray during blessings
you say but do not speak

"Pretend to care"

Wake up
You're drowning in false belief
Join us
We're sailing in Grace

Running, Not Running to You, Running Away From You.

I am a wanted man
Wanted for some greater purpose
that feels thrust upon me
I do not want this, I do not want you
Leave me alone
Where can I run? Away, Surely.
I do not want to run to you
I will live my own life
On my own
I awake from a dream
Men were shouting "Throw him overboard, Throw him overboard!"
This means something
so, I will run to the shore
Leaving all I know behind
I will find a new life
Somewhere in the sea