"If you believed they put a man on the moon"

I havent posted anything in a while.
I just wanted to say I'm doing good. I miss my famly a lot and I can't wait to see them.

I hate how I feel whenever I see Luise. The way I can't stop looking at her, the awkward glances, the laughing way too much to prove to the other person.... something or other, the way I'm still crazy for this chick, the way things were left hanging, the way she doenst want to resolve things, the way i get a knot in my throat whenever shes around.


I love the new Relient K album and the way it was written from much the same place I am. I gotta forget and not slow down.

I love that my life is on the up and up.

I hate that I don't have a new job yet.

I hate that I have so little money

I love my friends here. Rene and Marcus are my closest friends here without them I'd be at a loss. The other night Marcus just hugged me while I cried then later on we shared communion together.

I love you Christy and Alex.

Christy you're my big sis and I feel so lucky that I have you. You're just so awesome. Our relationship has so much give and take its awesome. I love that we can always count on each other to be there for each other. I wouldnt trade our siblingness for anything.

Alex you're my first ever Pen-Pal and  love how our friendship has grown over blogs and the internet. I still worry that you'll be less then impressed when we meet in person.

new poem sometime soon titled "I Dress Up On My Own Terms"

The Problem With Ballot Casting

I'd rather not be nominated in my condition
I'm still reeling from the grenade that went off in my hand

surely there are other candidates pining to be elected
let one of shake hands and kiss babies

I can't run for office like this
this is ridiculous

so will you please let me
hide in my shell shock?

your crusades are none of my concern

This is not a campaign this is conquest
this is not a campaign this is warfare
this is not a campaign this is bloodshed

This is not a campaign and I am no one's nominee

Explanation

"The Real Victim Here"

This poem deals with two separate yet interconnected things
The first thing, though it does not come up first in the poem is a person's inability to healthily deal with their past , to the point where it becomes destructive to themselves and those around them  (You hold the past like a gun, and you pulled the trigger)

The second part which in  is mentioned first, for the sake of the actual story in the poem, is people's ability to be comfortable with other people being destructive to those around them. Not wanting to tread on toes or hurt feelings. (just make sure the music keeps playing and try not to look at the blood on the ground). I've noticed often times people take lightly these situations or ignore them completely (never mind.... just keep dancing and get on your dancing shoes...).

While both attitudes are unhealthy and selfish to a point, I think the second is worse, because an apathetic attitude is enabling the other person to not have to deal with their problems. If you have the ability to step into a situation and change it for the better and you are  just as responsible as the other person if not more so (in the case that person cannot/will not change themselves and need outside help in order to do so) This of course an refer to global justice, but in this case, I'm talking about things on a much more personal level.