This Frozen Ocean, This Brillaint Sunlight

I'm drowning, drowning, in this sea
some invisible hand shoving my head under water
every time I try to catch a breath,
my arms flailing, legs kicking
attempting to tread water
treading water, this frozen, cold water
water, treading water, this cold water
My lungs fill up, I'm drowning now.
I cant see your face
I cant even see my limbs for the darkness of the ocean floor
content now with where I am. knowing where my hopw lies
I sleep, knowing that soon,
I will see the face of my maker
I will rejoice,
I was cold, but now am warm
Was drowning, but now can breath
was cold, but now I'm warm
In this sunlight, this brilliant sunlight.

Not in rivers, but in drops....

I have now been home roughly 2 weeks. My laundry from tour is still sitting in the laundry basket next to its former homes: my dakine backpack and jansport duffel bag. I got my drivers license, and really that's the only thing that I have done while home that I had been planning on. I was supposed to get coffee with 2 different girls, one I had met through some dating site, randomly shut off all communications with me some time before i even got back, the other was too busy, so we took a rain check for the Christmas break. I was also supposed to start writing music/ lyrics for Sanctuary, Sanctuary. But whenever Matt and I chill, there always a bunch more people over. Understand I'm not at all upset, or whatever about all this non-happening. I;m simply observing. However, a few of my friends do do a good job of frustrating me to no end, My best friend Dane has time for no one it seems, and last time I saw him, was for 15 awkward minuted at his house after I waited 30 min for him and Steve to return from some jewlery store off of exit 4. He was upset that it had snowed, and was so depressed about it, it was catching. Now, I wasn't too thrilled about the snow either, but I refused to let it affect my mood.
After leaving I drove to Starbucks, drank an eggnog latte by myself(which I highly recommend, the drink, not so much the alone bit), drove to core... sorry SUNDAY AT 6.... then went home. What happend to epic all day hang outs with the crew? Wat happened to The Dane and Chuck Super duo who by any means neccesary would listen to as much awesome music, go to as many shows, tell as many kids about Jesus, and drink as many energy drinks as possible? We used to know what it meant to be best friends. I would hate to go to Germany with this shell of a relationship, What has it come to that my MOM not Dane told me that he plans on getting married next summer? To my sister, I hope to see you before I leave, whenever that is, and to my shoegazing friend I hope that you would know that I have no hard feelings towards you about anything anymore, and all I want to do is talk about music again, no one else on AIM will nerd out talking about bands with me.

Everything Is Alive, Everything Is Breathing Nothing Is Dead and Nothing Is Bleeding

i feel helpless and lost a bit. nothing else is happening. I'm somewhat confused as to the sudden shunning from that girl. Makes no real sense, from my end, I still pray for her and everyone else. Dont get me wrong, not heartbroken or crushed, just confused. anyways, whats going on in your life?

Man... bugged out big time.

So last night I dreamt that I was back at home. I saw Barabara at some meeting. She was badly bruised on her right side and it was implied in the dream she had been raped. She was horribly depressed and had gotten a tattoo (something I'm sure she'd never do) of a pair of scissors stabbing a heart on her right arm. I remeber thinking, I'm going to find this person and kill him. I was more angry than I can desribe. Freaking bugged me out when I woke up.

Christiandatingsitesarelame,wellkindaeitherway

met a chick, she seems pretty cool. so far anyways.

Keep the lighthouse in sight, Godspeed to you

I've seen the mountains of colorado, the canyon lands of utah, the deserts of arizona and new mexico. I've seen the grand canyon, and the mighty pacific. But I have yet to see anything as beautiful as you.

I Love the Autumn Rain

I fell in love in the Autumn rain. It was cold, and there was a rare lull in the downpour that had dominated the weekend. I had decided to walk go out on the porch. It was cold so we stood together to keep warm, then....

It happened, we were a couple.

We tried to forget that we were going home the next morning. We tried to forget that we lived 2o miles apart, which felt as far away as the moon, considering we both didn't drive. We just focused on

the moment

it felt like hours, and at the same time seconds. But for that amount of time, regardless of how little or much it was, things were as it should be. We felt whole.

That weekend, I fell in love with her.

Fast forward 8 months, we split.

AM I over her? Yes, I am but now every Autumn since, when it rains it all floods back.

And I love,

and hate,

The Autumn Rain