Modesty

You wanna roll with me ? I wanna roll with you!
You wanna rock with me? I wanna rock you too!
You wanna roll with me ? I wanna roll with you!
You wanna rock with me? I wanna rock you too!

Hey everyone
look at me
I'm rollin rollin
down down
town town
lookin so hot
lookin so fly
this town will never know what hit em
they'll have a hangover before I've even got there
I've partied harder
then anyone you've ever seen before
Because......
I AM The Untouchable GOD of ROCK AND ROLL
and they'll build cities in tribute
And before I'm done
I'll have broken the heart
of Every girl in the world
can you hang with this? can you even keep up?
I dont think so.......
cause there aint never been anything like this before
I'm just gonna SPIIIIT
some crazy all over this club
you wont even know what happened til I'm looong gone
Can you hang with this?
Can You Even Keep Up????

Hey!

why are you so far away?

So I watch from the dark, I'm stronger now from the spark. And I glow, maybe I'm already home.

"You're a leader, leaders lead, be careful where you lead your followers"- Bryn Gillette, to me, a few years ago.

Why am I a leader?

Why do people follow me?

What does it mean to be a servant?

What does it mean to lead?

How am I supposed to lead people,
If I'm so lost myself?

Maybe I'm not lost. I don't know....


Regardless, when I stay up way too late sometimes,
I'll wish i had opiates,
get pissed at general unfairness,
wonder what the fuck I'm doing with myself,
become depressed,
wonder at life and it's unfathomable awesomeness,
Take heart in G-d,
listen to good music,
Then Blog.

Fuck

This

Emptiness.

I love G-d.

Christ Jesus, the Risen Lord,
Loves You,

and so do i...

Are you serious? I mean seriously??

I love how we as Christians make exceptions all the time. Yeah i mean the Bible says its a sin but I mean, I'm young right? I'l settle down when I'm older. I mean, I guess I should read my Bible, a little more than bi-monthly, but honestly, I'm a busy guy. I can't fit it into my busy schedule, I'll study the Bible by proxy, Back off. I mean I "know" Jesus should invade every part of my life, we sing these songs about giving it all up, or surrendering it all or whatever, but Jesus is probably happy with Sundays (only if I'm at church) and Youth Group. I mean, really, I can;t be expeceted to live like that all the time. I have to yell at people in traffic, and hold grudges against people, I cant just let that go. I know the Bible says that a wise man accepts criticism and learns from it, but I mean, I'm RIGHT! People who tell me I'm wrong couldn't possibly be right. I mean, even if they maybe have something constructive to say, they're probably just trying to make fun of me, and I'm pretty sure if I just make fun of them enough, and talk loud enough, they'll shut up, and aknowledge that they're wrong.

WAKE THE FUCK UP.

Seriously. Christianity is all nice and good, on sundays and when you happen to be at church. But honestly, if you dont want to live that way all the time or at least try, (I mean lets be honesnt, for a sec, we're all human and we're gonna fail) but if you not willing to at least try, be honest with yourself, and stop calling yourself a Christian. Live it or don't. Stop giving us a bad name. I dont care if you;re on stage, working at a Christian book store, or leading the worship team, or just living your life, We're all called to higher standard as Christians, thats just the way it is.

This is so for me and all of you.

So this is the new year....

I find I dwelt on 2008 so long i never thought about anything afterwords. At least not specifically anyway. I thought about my future career and family etc. but it was never specific. I thought about 2008 and graduating high school and so on. If I was told what my life was going to do back in 6th grade I would've never believed it. I left school after 10th grade, to go to Austria and work at a bible school, there I worked 6 days a week doing difficult labor, but never did well enough, made a friend in a girl some 8 years older than I was, developed a gigantic and unhealthy crush on her, spiraled deep into a depression which was riddled with panic attacks and manic episodes. Came home in 07, got my sanity back. then in the fall I was the best man at my other best friends wedding. i then started a part time internship at the church and graduated high school. Then a few days before the year a friendship bloomed into a relationship. This time last year I was with her and my best friend and my best friend's girl. A few months later my best friend proposed to his girl which caused a rift in our friendship that won't heal for a long time. A few months after that I broke it off with my girlfriend. That summer, My best friend who got married almost a year prior had a son. I'm so excited to watch him grow and see my friend become a father. The next day I went to Germany for two weeks, and I found the Shawn to my Corey (side note, yes that is a Boy meets world reference) and a plan for my life, I was to go to Germany to pursue my dream of being a youth pastor. after that, I went on tour for a total of about 3 months as a roadie, I was stretched and grown in so many ways, and I love those guys dearly. I can't to get on the road myself, shitty promoters, useless booking agents, poor merch sales and all. I discovered that there is never an innappropriate time for prayer, and that it really is all about Jesus. This year I have no resolutions, I have no starry eyed romantic outlook on it, I dont feel any different. I just want to go where Jesus wants to take me. I really do love all of you.

So heres to you 2009 I never thought about you before, lets make it a good one. I hope.

This Frozen Ocean, This Brillaint Sunlight

I'm drowning, drowning, in this sea
some invisible hand shoving my head under water
every time I try to catch a breath,
my arms flailing, legs kicking
attempting to tread water
treading water, this frozen, cold water
water, treading water, this cold water
My lungs fill up, I'm drowning now.
I cant see your face
I cant even see my limbs for the darkness of the ocean floor
content now with where I am. knowing where my hopw lies
I sleep, knowing that soon,
I will see the face of my maker
I will rejoice,
I was cold, but now am warm
Was drowning, but now can breath
was cold, but now I'm warm
In this sunlight, this brilliant sunlight.

Not in rivers, but in drops....

I have now been home roughly 2 weeks. My laundry from tour is still sitting in the laundry basket next to its former homes: my dakine backpack and jansport duffel bag. I got my drivers license, and really that's the only thing that I have done while home that I had been planning on. I was supposed to get coffee with 2 different girls, one I had met through some dating site, randomly shut off all communications with me some time before i even got back, the other was too busy, so we took a rain check for the Christmas break. I was also supposed to start writing music/ lyrics for Sanctuary, Sanctuary. But whenever Matt and I chill, there always a bunch more people over. Understand I'm not at all upset, or whatever about all this non-happening. I;m simply observing. However, a few of my friends do do a good job of frustrating me to no end, My best friend Dane has time for no one it seems, and last time I saw him, was for 15 awkward minuted at his house after I waited 30 min for him and Steve to return from some jewlery store off of exit 4. He was upset that it had snowed, and was so depressed about it, it was catching. Now, I wasn't too thrilled about the snow either, but I refused to let it affect my mood.
After leaving I drove to Starbucks, drank an eggnog latte by myself(which I highly recommend, the drink, not so much the alone bit), drove to core... sorry SUNDAY AT 6.... then went home. What happend to epic all day hang outs with the crew? Wat happened to The Dane and Chuck Super duo who by any means neccesary would listen to as much awesome music, go to as many shows, tell as many kids about Jesus, and drink as many energy drinks as possible? We used to know what it meant to be best friends. I would hate to go to Germany with this shell of a relationship, What has it come to that my MOM not Dane told me that he plans on getting married next summer? To my sister, I hope to see you before I leave, whenever that is, and to my shoegazing friend I hope that you would know that I have no hard feelings towards you about anything anymore, and all I want to do is talk about music again, no one else on AIM will nerd out talking about bands with me.